Hetalia units- Best(or worst) gift ever
by Hyasinth
Summary: For a young hetalian's birthday, her friend decides to get her some Hetalia units. It seems fun at first. At first.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I do not own Hetalia (except for in my imagination)

My initial thoughts when my friend told me what she got me for my birthday…That she was a frickin genius. However, about a month later, I was pretty sure that she knew exactly what happened, and the whole thing was some sort of sick plan for revenge for something I'm sure that I did, but just don't remember. Let me start from the beginning.

I walked into school on Tuesday morning and was instantly attacked by hugs. Actually, you know what? This part is boring, so I'm just going to skip to when the first unit arrived.

It was a Saturday morning and I had just opened my eyes when I heard my doorbell ring. As always, I was the first one up, so I lugged my butt downstairs and, despite knowing that I must have looked like a bag of smashed assholes, opened the door.

"Are you Maya?" asked the man at the door.

"Yeah, Kayla sent you right?"

"Uh… yeah," he said looking at his clipboard, "Your birthday present."

"Oh, yeah, that's for me."

"Okay then, I'll need you to sign here," He handed me the clipboard and I put my name by the big X.

"Here you go," I said and handed him back the clipboard.

"Awesome, I'll just wheel this in for you," he said and wheeled in a huge crate. He let it down in the middle of my front room. "Here you go, good luck," he said before handing me a folded up slip of paper and walking out the door.

At first, I had no idea what he meant by good luck, I thought that Kayla was the best gifter in the entire world ( based on how much I talked about Hetalia, I would have expected her to at least get something related, but an actual Hetalia unit was beyond amazing.) I took a deep breath and opened the paper to see who I got.

MATTIAS KØHLER: User Guide and Manual

Initial thoughts- Oh God… I was not sure whether I should be excited or horrified. Either way, I was apprehensive. I'm getting annoyed at writing this way, so I'm going to switch to present tense.

~Magical Time Portal That Brings The story To Present Tense~

"Okay then, how should I wake him up." My parents would definitely cleave me in half if they found any of our furniture cleaved in half, so I'd better be careful with this. Okay, let's take a look at this manual.

~Magical Time Portal That Brings The story To Past Tense~

None of the listed methods of activating him sounded particularly wonderful, I really didn't want to be his hug buddy, or make him a sandwich, so I decided to go with an option that would result in the least future damage to either of us. I took a step closer to the box and screamed "Norway and Iceland are leaving!" I pressed an ear against the box and heard loud crying. I scampered upstairs to get my crowbar from my room (don't ask) then returned and opened the box.

As soon as the box was open, I found myself practically holding up a man taller than my dad, as he cried on my shoulder.

"There, there, it's okay," I said as I reached up to pat him on the head.

"No, it's not okay, they're gone."

"It's okay; they'll probably come back someday." (I knew that they wouldn't but, I needed him to stop crying) I lead him over to a chair, and rid myself of his 5'10'' frame. He sank down in my squishy red chair.

"This chair is really comfy, I'm never getting up," he said through sniffles. At least I knew that he was returning to his relatively normal self. I sat down in the chair next to his and waited for him to stop crying. As his sniffles subsided, he finally realized what was going on.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I'm Maya, your new… roommate."

"Okay, so do I get to order you around like I did to my other roommates?"

"Not unless I'm in a really good mood. Now let me show you where you'll be sleeping." I led him up to my room (yeah I know, bad idea, but I didn't realize that at the time). I had set up a mattress on the floor next to my bed.

"You can have the bed until we figure something out some other sleeping arrangements."

"Are you going to be in there too?"

"You'll barely fit in there as it is, now let's go get your stuff." We went back downstairs and, after digging around in his box, found the rest of his stuff. He led the way back upstairs carrying his axe, with me trailing behind carrying the rest of his stuff.

"Just to let you know, me toting your stuff around is not going to become a regular thing."

"Boo, you suck."

"Sue me."

"Stop acting like Norway." At his own mention of Norway, he started to sniffle again, before dropping his axe, turning around, and hanging off my shoulder for the second time that morning. (Maybe I really hadn't chosen the best way to wake him up; I had become his hug buddy after all).

I rocked him back and forth in the middle of my upstairs landing until my mom woke up and came out of her bedroom.

"Maya?"

"My birthday present came."

"Should I ask?"

"Just give me a moment," I said to my mom, then turned Mattias around to face me, "Okay, Mattias, Why don't you go sit on the bed and I'll right back." He nodded then turned around and went into my room, so that my mom and I were alone on the landing.

"Maya, what is going on here?"

"So you know how Kayla got me a Hetalia Unit for my birthday," I started, "Well, this is it."

"Are you sure that this is a good idea?"

"I know, but there's nothing to worry about. Trust me; they're basically designed to live with teenage girls. Who else would order one?"

"I guess you're right, but are you sure that that this is a good idea?"

"I'm sure; otherwise Kayla wouldn't have gotten him for me."

"I know, but still, how do you think your dad's going to feel about you sharing your room with a grown man."

"Come on, it'll be fine. You guys know I'm responsible, plus he is way older than he looks, I'm talking hundreds of years older."

"Fine, but if we say so, you are returning him."

"Awesome, now I'd better go check on him." I turned around and went back into my room to see Mattias. I found him on my bed, hugging my pillow.

"Are you okay?" He instantly jumped up and latched on to me.

"I'm all alone," he cried. Apparently, I'd unlocked his depressed mode when I activated him.

"It's okay," I said, while awkwardly petting his head, "you stay here and I'll go get you some beer." I head a muffled "mmhhyy" in my shoulder before I pried Mattias off of my shoulder and headed downstairs to raid my fridge.

I returned upstairs with a beer in hand and entered my room. I prodded the lump on my bed till a hand emerged from the covers. I put the beer in it and it retracted.

"You better not get beer on my bed."

"mmppphhh."

I patted the lump on what I assumed to be a shoulder and headed downstairs to eat. I grabbed a plate of eggs and sat down across from my little brother.

"What's wrong with your person thing?"

"I accidentally put him into depressed mode."

"It was probably your face. It always puts me in depressed mode."

"You look just like me." Yup, it was pretty much a normal Saturday morning, aside from the fact that I had a depressed Denmark in my bed.

As I was finishing my eggs, my phone rang. I checked my phone and saw that it was Kayla.

"Heeeyyyy."

"What do you want?"

"Sooorrryyyy, I just wanted to see if you got your birthday gift yet."

"Yes, I did. So now I have a depressed Denmark in my bed."

"Oooh, see I told you that you would grow up to be a slut, I guess that it just took one birthday."

"I still don't get how you came to that conclusion. Anyway, I accidentally put him into a depressed mode, but I gave him some beer so he should be fine soon."

"I really don't know what that means, but good luck anyway. I have to go, bye."

"Bye." I closed my phone and finished my breakfast.

~Magical jump in time to that evening~

I waked up to my room where I was sure that Mattias was still asleep. I opened my door and peeked in to see the same lump in my bed, but now there were a few beer bottles were scattered around on top of my covers. I poked the lump to make sure that he was asleep, and eventually deemed it safe to change into my pajamas. Once in my fuzzy pants and tank top, I curled up on the mattress next to my bed.

~Magical Jump in Time to the Next Morning~

I woke up the next morning to find something large and warm wrapped around me. At first I snuggled closer to whatever it was, until I felt increased pressure and realized that the large, warm thing had arms. I turned around to find that Denmark had joined me on the floor.

"Get off me!" I shouted and tried to pry him off. I heard chuckling from behind me, apparently Denmark was back to normal.

"Nice rack by the way."

"Pervert!" I was really starting to regret sleeping without a bra. "I thought that you were asleep! Or at least drunk!"

"I don't get drunk," he said with a smile.

"Figures."

"I'm hungry!" he announced, jumping up from the floor, "Where do you keep your food?"

"I'm not letting you anywhere near my food unsupervised." I stood up and stretched, but then I caught him staring at my chest, and hurried out of my room and down the stairs. He followed my downstairs.

"You're making too much noise, you're going to wake up my parents."

He rolled his eyes and followed me downstairs to the kitchen. He sat down and looked at me expectantly.

"What?" I asked.

"Are you going to make me food?"

"No, get it yourself." He got up with a groan and started digging through my cupboard. He pulled out a box of cereal and grabbed a box of milk from the fridge. After eating three bowls of cereal, he started to pour another one until I took his box away.

"Hey, I was gonna eat that."

"You've had enough." I find it weird how I'm the responsible one out of the two of us. I really couldn't help but wonder what my family was going to think of him.

Speak of the devil, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Mattias had been curled up in my bed the entire day earlier, so my family never got to meet him. To be honest, I don't think that my dad even realized that anything had happened, either that or he just didn't do anything to indicate that he noticed. He never really indicated anything, most of my friends had never seen him change expression.

The footsteps grew louder until my dad stepped off of the bottom step and into the kitchen. He sat at the table and got himself a bowl of cereal, all without noticing Mattias. Eventually he looked up at Mattias, looked over at me, back at Mattias, then back to me.

"Who is this?" he asked.

"This is my birthday present from Kayla."

"Kayla gave you a person?"

I put hands over Mattias's ears so that he wouldn't hear the next part and go back into depressed mode. "He's a Hetalia unit. They're like robot people programmed to look and act just like Hetalia characters. This is Denmark/ Mattias." I took my hands off of Mattias's ears.

"So he acts just like a normal person?"

I put hands back over Mattias's ears and continued, "He acts just like the character of Denmark from Hetalia, who is a normalish person."

My dad never shows any kind of expression, but I could still tell that he wasn't exactly happy about this arrangement.

"Will you take your hands off my ears, I can tell that you're talking about me," said Denmark, who was apparently oblivious to the semi-glares that my dad was shooting his way. I could tell that this day was going to be interesting, and it sure was.

I had to take Mattias with me to my karate class because my parents refused to leave him at home alone. Since I go to adult classes, he insisted on joining in.

We arrived at class, and I instantly had everyone asking who he was. Of course I wasn't going to let Mattias explain who he was, so I had to explain why I came to class with a twenty-one year old who I was not related to. I decided to say that he was a friend of my cousin who was visiting from college and wanted to try some classes. Luckily he was immature enough to pass for a college student. I'm still pretty sure that my instructor thinks he's some foreign pedophile.

When we got home from karate, we were both a bit sweaty and needed cleaned off. I figured that he'd be fine to clean himself, but I asked just to be sure.

"Are you able to bathe yourself?" I asked, half joking.(I'd heard that some of the units needed help).

"I guess that I could use some help." Unfortunately, I didn't notice the grin that accompanied the statement.

"Fine, why am I not surprised." I showed him up to the bathroom and ushered him inside. I turned around so that he could strip, and very carefully avoided looking at the mirror.

"Aren't you going to undress too?"

"No! Why the hell would I do that?!"

"I thought you said you were going to help me bathe?" he asked, while wiggling his eyebrows.(I really did not look, I could just picture him wiggling his eyebrows).

"Yeah, that's what I said, so get in the shower!" I could hear him chuckling as he climbed behind the shower curtain.

"So how do I start this?"

"You push up the glass ball thingy." He did so, then I heard a chorus of rather feminine screams coming from the shower, and I couldn't help bet giggle, at it.

"Hot, hot, hot!"

"Turn the thingy to the left to make it colder, then once you like the temperature, soap and shampoo and things are on the rack hanging on the shower head."

"Ah! Cold, cold, cold!" Apparently he really did need help bathing.

"Here," I said, as I closed my eyes and reached into the shower to adjust the temperature, then felt something grab my wrist and pull me into the shower, "what the hell are you doing!?" I screamed quite a few profanities in quite a few languages.

"You said that you would help me shower."

"Not in the shower with you."

"Hmm, well you're already in here, so you might as well stay."

"No, I'm not going to shower in my clothes."

"Well, you wouldn't let me see you naked. God, you're hard to please."

I ultimately ended up taking a completely clothed show with my perverted birthday present. I'm just extremely glad I didn't get groped. We returned to my room, me sopping wet, him having refused to wear a towel.

"You are so lucky that my parents aren't home. Now get out of my room."

"Why?"

"I need to change."

"Fine," he skipped out of my room. (I really didn't need to see that) I changed into my pajamas and let him back in. He pulled out a dress shirt and pair of pants.

"You're going to sleep in those?"

"Yeah, I don't have anything else, other than my uniform."

"Fine. Sleep in that tonight and we'll need to go shopping tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up the next morning in the exact same position as the one before. Yet again, I was unable to pry off Mattias, but this time I reached around to find his tie and yanked on it until I heard coughing and sputtering behind me. Mattias let go of me and I stood up and turned around to see Mattias rubbing his throat.

"What was that for?"

"Time to wake up, we have to go shopping."

Even though it was Monday, I was on summer break, so I had the day off, but my parents didn't. Since it had been determined that Mattias needed some new clothes (and would probably keel over dead if he didn't get some liquor) I decided to take him shopping.

"I don't want to get up."

"Come on, you have to get up, or we're not getting any liquor."

"I'm coming," he hopped up and started to take off his shirt. I turned around so that he could change.

"Have you no dignity? Seriously, dude!"

"What?" I just rolled my eyes and shooed him out the room so that I could change. When I was finished changing, I left my room and found Mattias waiting outside of my door.

"Are you ready to go?" I asked him.

"Yeah, let's go get that liquor."

"You have an ID right?"

"Of course I do."

"Good, let's go."

"How are we getting there?"

"We're walking."

"Why are we walking? Can't you drive?"

"Dude, I'm only fourteen, and both of the cars are gone."

"Can we ride a bus?"

"If you want me to have any money left to buy your liquor, then we are walking." The two of us set out and walked two miles to the nearest Target. I wanted to fall to my knees in joy when we got there because it meant that I didn't have to listen to Mattias's jokes anymore.

"Okay, I don't know your sizes, so you go pick out some new clothes and I'll pick the liquor." I scampered off to the liquor aisle while mattias sauntered off to the men's clothing section. I wasn't exactly experienced at liquor browsing, so I figured that I would just grab the cheapest Northern European Beer. I popped my head down an aisle and saw something that I thought would work. I snatched it off the shelf and I set off to find Mattias. I found him in the tie section debating between two ties.

"Just get them both; you'll probably ruin one of them." Mattias shrugged and tossed the two red and black ties into the cart. I peeked in and saw three red and black dress shirts and two pairs of black slacks. "Aren't you going to get any pajamas?"

"I'll just sleep naked."

"No you won't. Especially not if you're going tackle glomp me every night."

"Fine," he said and grabbed three black muscle shirts and two black and red sets of flannel plants.

"Okay," I said, "we have everything we need, but underwear."

"I don't need any."

"Yes you do, now go get some." On my instruction, Mattias went over to the underwear section and grabbed a pack of Danish flag boxers. (Convenient) "Good, now we have everything." We wheeled the cart to the front of the store and got into a checkout line. When it was our turn to check out, I loaded our items onto the counter while Mattias chatted with the employee, who, I might add, was flirting like her life depended on it.

"I'm going to need some ID," she said when she rang up the beer. Mattias handed her his ID and I handed her my debit card. "Ooh, European, that's hot"

"Actually, it's quite cold in Denmark," said Mattias and the girl giggled. She handed me the bags and batted her eyes at Mattias.

"Have a nice day," she cooed as we left the store.

"She seems nice," Mattias said, and I laughed. I'm not sure if he got why I was laughing, but he laughed along with me.

On the way back, I decided to take the greenbelt home to shave some time off the walk. It was also a much more enjoyable walk to take the greenbelt. I usually would take the long way because it was far safer, but I figured that I would be plenty safe with Mattias.

When we were about a mile away from my house, Mattias had an announcement.

"I have to pee!"

"Can you hold it?"

"No."

"Fine" Face meet palm. "You can go in those bushes over there, just make sure that no one sees you." Mattias scampered off into the bushes and I was left to wait. I waited for a few minutes, and then I heard rustling in the bushes.

"Took you long enough," I said. I heard no answer. "Mattias?" I started to turn around, but was stopped when I felt one arm wrap around my waist and another cover my mouth. I tried to scream, but then I felt something wrap around my throat and begin to cut off my air supply. Tears sprang to my eyes and my vision became blurry. I continued to struggle, but the man was too strong. I felt myself being pulled backwards. When I was about to give up, I saw a tall, blonde blur then felt the hands let go.

I sank to the ground, crying and coughing, and listened to the sounds of two men fighting. I heard a shout, and then heard two sets of disappearing footsteps. Once I almost couldn't hear the footsteps, I heard one set drawing nearer. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Mattias looking down at me with concern in his eyes.

"He got away," he said, "but I saw him, so I'll go to the police tomorrow and file a report." I nodded and tried to stand up, but I couldn't. As I was trying to stand up, I felt arms scoop me up behind my back and knees. Apparently Mattias had decided to carry me home.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Shh," he shushed me, "just go with it." At that, I nodded and rested my head against Mattias's shoulder.

When we got to my house, I gave Mattias the key and he let us in. He carried me to my living room and set me down on my couch. He then sat down next to me and looked over at me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," I answered. He sat quietly for a moment, but all of the sudden turned and tackle glomped me.

"What are you doing?"

"Hugs always make me feel better when I'm sad," he responded and tightened his arms around me. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck.

"Did you remember the groceries?"

"Yup."

"Good." We were both silent for a couple of moments. "Three considerate gestures in one day, that must be a personal record."

"Yep, and not one that I intend to break." I pulled away and giggled.

"Come on, let's put that stuff away." I got up and walked over to the door where he'd left the bags. He got up and followed me.

"You sure recover quickly."

"It's my coping mechanism."

We grabbed the bags and went up to my room. I put the bags on the bed and pulled out the clothes. I handed the clothes to Mattias and told him to hang them in my closet with his other things, then I grabbed the liquor and headed downstairs.

"What are you doing with that?"

"Hiding it." I then scampered downstairs, pulled the bottles of beer out of the box and, after making sure that Mattias wasn't spying on me, wedged them under the couch. I headed back upstairs and found Mattias sprawled out on my bed, sleeping. I prodded him to make sure that he was asleep, then changed into my bathrobe and headed to my bathroom for a shower.

The hot water was relaxing, I almost forgot about the earlier events of the day. It was okay though; I had no reason to fear. Mattias had saved me. I rinsed my hair and stepped out of the shower. I wrapped myself in a towel and wondered if Mattias was still asleep. If not, then I had to give him credit. I had actually managed to take an entire shower without him invading my shower stall or tackle groping me.

I dried myself off and put on my bathrobe and slippers, then padded across the hall and back into my bedroom. I looked at my bed and saw that Mattias was gone. I put on my pajamas and headed downstairs to find him rummaging through my cabinets, looking for the beer no doubt.

"Mattias, you're not going to find it."

"Fine, but at least let me have some food."

"It's five O, clock, my parents will be home in an hour and they'll make diner."

"I have to wait that long?" he whined.

"Yes, now suck it up."

When my parents got home, they made steak for diner. Mattias and I ate in my room together. He was extremely pleased that I let him have one of his beers with diner, then instantly was upset when I wouldn't let him have another.

"If you get drunk, my parents will return you."

"Fine, I'm going to go take a shower." He left my room, leaving his dishes on the floor, I might add, but then popped his head back in. "I might need help."

"No way, pervert!" I screamed, throwing a pillow at his head. He chuckled and exited my room.

I picked up his dishes and brought them down to the kitchen. I cleaned, dried, and put away the dishes, then gave each of my parents a goodnight kiss and went upstairs to get ready for bed. I went back upstairs I found Mattias in the middle of my bedroom, pulling on a pair of boxers.

"Hey," he shouted, "you just missed the show."

"And I don't want an encore."

"You're boring."

"Yeah, yeah, now go away and let me change." Instead of leaving, he simply turned around and covered his eyes. I rolled my eyes and turned around to change. "No peeking."

As I was changing out of my bra, I heard laughing from the other side of the room. I looked at Mattias and noticed that he had a perfect, full-body view of me in the mirror.

"Pervert!" I shouted yet again and threw yet another pillow at his head. He only laughed and turned around to let me put my shirt on.

I walked up behind him and tried to flick him on the ear, but he grabbed my wrist and turned me to face him. He then bent at the waist.

"Care to dance?" he asked

"What?"

"Dance with me." With a grin, he put his hand on my waist and started twirling me around my room humming.

At first we were stepping on each other's feet, but eventually we both fell into a rhythm. I started humming too and we both started chuckling until we ended up rolling on the floor laughing together.

"That was fun."

"We should do that again some time."

"Yes we should, now go to bed."

He got up off of the floor and crawled into my bed. I got up and turned off the light before curling up on the floor and falling asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up the next morning when the doorbell rang. I tried to stand up, but tripped when Mattias grabbed my ankle.

"Mattias, let me go." Mattias didn't respond because he was still asleep. I sighed and shook my ankle from his grasp and stumbled downstairs. I opened the door to see another delivery guy.

"Another one?" I asked.

"Yup, sign here," said the delivery dude who handed me a clipboard. I signed the clipboard and handed it back to him. He wheeled in another large box.

"Thanks," I said as he waved and left. I grabbed the manual off of the box to see who I got this time.

Ivan Bragsinski

"Oh lovely." Considering I was about to have to get him out of the box, I was very glad that Mattias was asleep upstairs. "Okay, how to do this?" I scanned my options and found that I really only liked one of them. I took a step back and prepared my best Belarus accent. "Brother!" I heard a thump from inside of the box followed by sobbing. I grabbed my crowbar and started to pry off the front of the box.

"No, no, no. Go away!"

"It's okay Ivan, she's gone."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure." Ivan peeked out of the box and sighed in relief when he saw me and no Belarus. He turned around and I noticed tears in the brims of his eyes.

"Aww, sweetie, it's okay." I pulled him into a hug and reprogrammed him. Why don't you go sit down and I'll get you a sunflower. Ivan went and sat down at my kitchen table and I went to get the sunflowers and vodka out of his box. I left his sunflowers and vodka on the table in front of him and took the rest of his stuff upstairs. I went into my room and saw Mattias still sprawled out on my floor. I nudged him with my foot.

"Mattias get up." Nothing happened. "It's time for breakfast." Mattias looked up and notice me.

"What's for breakfast?"

"You'll have to go see." He sprang up and noticed what I was holding.

"What's that?"

"It's Russia's stuff."

"Why do you have Russia's stuff?"

"I got part two of my birthday gift."

"So Russia's going to be living with us now?"

"Yup, now go downstairs." Mattias went downstairs and I put away Ivan's stuff before following him. When I got downstairs I found Russia playing with his sunflower, and Mattias raiding my fridge. I figured they were fine as they were, so I grabbed a granola bar and went upstairs to change. I changed into shorts and a wicking shirt and grabbed a bottle of water.

"Mattias, get dressed, you're coming with me."

"What?" he responded with his mouth full of food.

"I'm going for a jog, you're coming with me. You can just steal some of my dad's workout clothes."

"Why do I have to go with you?" He had a whiney undertone is his voice.

"Why do you think?"

"Fine," he said and trudged upstairs.

"Ivan, Mattias and I are leaving for a bit. I'm going to leave you here alone for a while."

"Okay," he said.

"Mattias, bring your ID," I called up the stairs. I figured that we should stock up on vodka with Russia there. Mattias came trotting down the stairs in some of my dad's workout clothes.

"You got your ID?"

"Uhuh."

"Good, let's go." Mattias and I slipped out the door and took off. We headed off towards the liquor store (carefully avoiding the greenbelt) . We started to loop around my block when we ran into my gym teacher. (He lives on the block)

"Oh, hi Maya."

"Hi."

"You out for a jog?"

"Yup, just out jogging."

"Wait," said Mattias, "So we aren't going to the liquor store then?"

"Umm, who's this?" asked .

"This is Mattias, he's… a family friend. Say hi, Mattias."

"Hi, Mattias," said Mattias.

"Ha-ha, always a comedian, this one," I said.

"So you're going to the liquor store." Apparently wasn't going to let that little remark go.

"Yeah, we're getting me some beer," he said, "but not the lorte* stuff this time."

"And why are you taking a fourteen year old girl with you?" he really wasn't going to let it go.

"He's Danish. He needs his beer, and I'm not about to let him leave the house alone." Mattias started to object, but I put my hand over his mouth and continued. "You know, different customs. Don't want him to get into any trouble."

"Ok, well, I'll see you when break is over. Bye." He turned and left and as soon as he rounded the corner, I smacked Mattias on the head.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"From now on, you let me do the talking. Okay?"

"Fine, just don't hit me again. "

"Either don't get yourself hit again, or get used to it." We kept walking in awkward silence for a couple minutes until I couldn't take the silence. Mattias being quiet was kind of freaking me out.

"Tell me a joke."

"What?"

"You heard me, this silence is creeping me out. It's unnatural. So fix it."

"Okay. Uh, here, I got one. What do you call someone who speaks three languages? Multilingual. What do you call someone who speaks two languages? "Bilingual". What do you call someone who can't even properly speak one language? "An American"."

"Aww, acum că e mic.* I have one. Why do Danish people never play hide and seek? Nobody wants to look for them."

"Hey, that's mean!"

"You're one to talk." Mattias stopped waking, and after a few steps I turned around and saw him standing behind me with a weird look on his face. All of the sudden, he charged at me. I turned and ran off in the same direction and called over my shoulder. "Why are you chasing me?"

"Because you're being mean to me."

"That hardly seems like a good reason to chase me." I may have been in good shape, but he was too, and he was also a tall, Nordic man. Mattias caught me and slung me over his shoulder.

"Really, dude? Really?"

"What?"

"Am I fun to carry or something?"

"It's funny how you get mad."

"No, you're just a creep."

"I can live with that."

"I know you can. Though you should probably remember that I currently control your beer intake."

"You like to think you do, but I have other methods."

"I really don't want to know what those are." We arrived at the liquor store and he just carried me in slung over his shoulder. I figured it was no use fighting with Mattias, so I just let him carry me around the store (I could feel the weird looks).

Mattias started gathering beers in his arms and I had to remind him of the budget. He whined a bit, until I told him that if he were to make his own money, I'd let him spend as much of it as he wanted on beer. I regretted that statement as soon as I realized that I was probably going to end up with a brothel being run out of my basement.

Mattias paid for his beer and was about to leave when some random civilian stopped us.

"Um, excuse me," she asked Mattias, "Is there something wrong with her?"

"I'm fine, he's just a weirdo," I answered.

She looked weirded out and walked away.

"What was up with that?" asked Mattias.

"It's not exactly normal to carry people around. Also, I'm fourteen, and you're obviously much older than me." Mattias headed back home with me slung over his shoulder when we ran back into (My Gym Teacher). (Who jogs around one block for two hours?) This time he didn't say anything, but I knew he was going to have a few questions when I went back to school in a few weeks.

Mattias and I arrived back at my house and he carried me in and Ivan was there to greet us.

"You're back, yay!"

"Yup."

"Yeah, I got beer, oh and Maya made me get you some vodka too."

"Vodka, yay!"

…(awkward silence)

"Mattias, put me down."

"Aww, but the view is nice from up here."

"I will force-feed you a cell-phone."

"Fine." Mattias put me back on my feet and I headed upstairs to shower and change. (I was very deliberate in locking the door) When I finished my shower I wrapped my hair in a towel and put on a bathrobe. I opened the bathroom door to find Mattias picking the lock. I side-stepped around him to go change in my room. I went back downstairs and noticed that Ivan's box was still in the front room.

"Hey, guys. Can you help me carry this box to the basement?" Russia crawled out from inside of my hollow window bench. (How long had he been in there?)

"Da. Of course." He picked up the box and carried it down to my basement and set id down next to Mattias's (we'd moved his down there earlier).

"I guess we should figure out sleeping arrangements."

"Da."

"I guess we can all share my room. You can have the bed. Mattias always ends up on the floor anyway."

"Okay, I will sleep in the bed."

"We'll work out something better later, but in the meantime this should work. I don't think my dad loves this arrangement, but it the best we can really do for now. I already put your stuff in my room, I can show you where it is later if you can't find it."

"Okay." Ivan turned around and crawled back into his little hidey hole. I went upstairs to see what Mattias was doing and found him surfing the internet on my computer. I figured that he and Ivan were both pretty occupied for the time being, so I grabbed my book and an iced tea. I curled up with my book for about an hour until my dad got home.

"Hi, Daddy." ( I'm a daddy's girl)

"Hi, sweetie, where's your little friend?" Right then, Ivan crawled out of his hole without my dad noticing and came up behind him.

"..."

"What the hell?" my dad turned around to face Russia's smiley face. "Maya, who's this?"

"This is Ivan. Part two of my birthday gift from Kayla."

"How many of these are you going to get?"

"I have no idea."

"Are they all going to be adult men?"

"Probably."

"Hmm" His continuous stoic stare remained, "Well, I'm going to get started on dinner." The rest of the day went relatively peacefully, and I managed to survive my first day with two units.

AN: If any of you have Ideas or recommendations for the next country, just let me know in a review.

*Translations

Привет-Russian:Hello

Lorte- Danish: shitty

Aww, acum că e mic-Romanian: Aww, now that's low.


	4. chapter 4

I sat on the couch with Russiacat in my lap and Denmarkcat curled up against my chest. I rubbed Russiacat's ears and waited for my parents to get home. Russiacat started licking my hand and I remembered something. Something bad. My mom is extremely allergic to cats.

"Crap!" I said and my two country cats looked up at me. England came down the stairs and I called him over.

"Hey, England?"

"Yes, Maya?"

"Do you by any chance have any spells to help with allergies?"

"No, why?" My ears twitched in irritation.

"Because my mom is extremely allergic to cats," I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Oh, I really didn't think this through."

"No, you didn't." I went to stand up and Russiacat fell off of my lap with an indignant noise, but Denmarkcat used his claws to stay attached to me. I tried to pull him off, but if I were to remove him by force it would tear up my shoulders so I gave in and let him stay. I sank back into the couch and Russiacat hopped back up onto my lap while Denmarkcat nestled closer into my chest.

I scratched Russiacat's ears and tried to ignore Denmarkcat. England sat on the couch next to me and handed me a glass of tea. I thanked him and took a sip. I gagged a bit on the (burnt?) tea and moved to set it down, but the two cats got in my way.

"England, can you help me out a bit here?"

"Of course," he said and took my teacup to the kitchen. He came back and went to remove Denmarkcat from me, but said feline clung to me so he picked up Russiacat instead. He sat next to me on the couch with Russiacat in his lap. I was surprised that he was being so not snarky about my rejection of his tea, but I guess that he realized just as much as I did that he owed me big time.

"I'm sorry about this, Maya, but they really did have it coming."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm going to go call my mom. I headed up to my room and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed in my mom's number and sat down on my bed. I listened to the continuous ringing until I head my mom's voice on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Hi, sweetie, what's up?"

"Um, I don't think that you should come to the house today."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, it's just that the house is kinda full of cats."

"What are you talking about?" she sounded confused.

"Denmark and Russia pissed off England, so he might of kinda turned them into cats."

"What?! You're kidding me right?"

"…No…"

"How long have they been like that?"

"For a while, there's a lot of fur."

"Uggh." I could mentally see her pinching the bridge of her nose (now you see where I get it from), "You're right, it would probably be best if I kept out of the house for a bit. I'll call your father and tell him, then I can probably stay at Carmen's for a while."

"Okay."

"How long is this going to last?"

"It's…unpredictable."

"Okay, fine. I'll see you soon, then. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up and set my phone on my desk. My dad was on a business trip, so it was just going to be just the countries and me for a little while. I headed downstairs to let them know and start on dinner. I pulled out some pans and ingredients and Denmarkcat was instantly up on the counter. I glared at him in hope that he would recognize it as an indication of how annoying he could be, but he just stared back at me. Usually I would have smacked him or something, but he was a cat and it would be pretty cruel to shove a cat off of the counter (even if it was Mattias). I turned on the stove, but then I realized exactly what I was doing. I was making dinner for cats. Why the hell was I making dinner for cats? Sure they were usually human, but they did bring it on themselves. I put away the ingredients and turned off the stove while Denmarkcat looked at me confusedly.

"I'm not making dinner for two cats," I told Denmarkcat and he glared at me (at least I think he did, it's hard to tell with cats). I went to put my shoes on and checked the mirror, remembering that I had cat ears. I silently cursed Arthur and grabbed a hat.

"Arthur, get you shoes, we're going to the pet store!"

"What was that, love?" he asked, coming down the stairs.

"We need to go get cat food, and I am not going alone. Now put on your shoes." I grabbed my purse and made sure my house key was in it.

"Do you think that we should bring them with us?" Arthur asked, gesturing to Denmarkcat and Russiacat.

"Yeah we probably should, there is no way that I'm leaving them alone." I stepped out of the door and Arthur and the two cats followed me. I locked the door and picked up Russiacat while Denmarkcat pawed at my ankles. I eventually gave in and handed Russiacat to Arthur and picked up Denmarkcat.

"Don't let this get to your head," I told him, "I only picked you up because you annoy me." I tucked Denmarkcat under my arm and England and I started walking. It was much quieter walking with England than Denmark, and I had to admit, I kind of missed Mattias's jokes. I had started to let my mind wander about my general situation, when Arthur's voice broke the silence.

"Maya?"

"What, Arthur?"

"Why were you so insistent that I come with you? Your neighborhood seems quite safe." I noticed Russiacat's ears perk when he asked. It was obvious that he wanted to know too.

"It's a long story. I'd rather not talk about it." I felt Denmarkcat nestle closer to me and I stroked his ears. England left it at that and we walked in an awkward silence until we ran into Mr. Romero again.

"Maya, how funny. We keep running into each other."

"Yeah, so funny," I said, while trying to hide my exasperation and desperately hoped my hat wouldn't get blown off by a sudden gust of wind or something.

"Who's this?" he asked, gesturing to Arthur.

"Another family friend."

"What happened to the other one?"

"He's at my house," I responded and I felt Denmarkcat cat laughing again.

"Are these your cats?"

"Kind of," I answered and was met with a confused look.

"Well," he said, "I'd better get going. Bye." He jogged off and the awkward silence grew.

"Who was that?" asked Arthur.

"That's my gym teacher. He's already met Mattias." Arthur seemed to completely understand and we continued the walk to the local pet store. We entered the store and were met with an overly friendly employee.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she chirped. Her overly cheery disposition was not helping my already precarious mood, so I decided to let Arthur talk that time.

"Hello, we simply need some cat food," he said.

"Oh, are these your cats?" she asked and rumpled Russiacat's ears.

"Yes, they are."

"Oh, they're so cute." I was starting to worry a little bit because I was all too aware of the ears hidden beneath my hat and I was also a little freaked out by having run into my gym teacher again(at least Arthur had been the human one). I just wanted to get home and relax and therefore wanted to get home as soon as possible. I usually wasn't such a downer, but I was stressed, and for the safety of the overly perky cashier, figured it was best to keep a distance.

"Take this," I said and thrust Denmarkcat toward Arthur. He took him and I headed off to find the cat food while Arthur chatted with the girl. I decided to stock up on a large amount of the cheap stuff because I had no idea how long I would even have cats for. I filled a bag with as many cans as could fit in it and brought it up to the counter. I handed the girl my debit card and she rung us up while scratching Russiacat's ears. Arthur and I thanked her and left. I carried the food and Arthur carried the cats.

"Americans are so loud," stated Arthur and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I'm not going to disagree with you on that." I agreed and we made the way home in a slightly less awkward silence and I put the food away in the fridge while Arthur filled two bowls for Mattias and Ivan. It was starting to get late and I was getting hungry, so while the cats ate, I made some soup for myself. Apparently Arthur had learned from earlier because he didn't even offer to help. I finished my soup, and heard the doorbell ring. I put my bowl in the sink and Arthur opened the door.

I stepped out into the front room and was met with another box.

"Lovely," I sighed, "That's just what I need."

"Who is it?" asked Arthur.

"I'll check in the morning," I said and headed upstairs to go to sleep.

~Magical Time Jump~

I woke up with two cats on my face and heard Britain from downstairs.

"It's prepackaged," he said. Apparently the cats had refused to eat the food England had tried to give them.

"I can't say I blame you two for being cautious, but this time it's safe. Trust me, I bought it myself." I picked up Russiacat and headed downstairs. When I set the cats down, they cautiously started nibbling at the food and I got myself a bowl of cereal. England was at the table reading a newspaper.

"Another package came this morning."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Did you see who it was?"

"One is Germany and," he started, but I cut him off.

"Oh, that shouldn't be that bad."

"No, but you didn't let me finish. The other one is France."

"What?" I choked on my cereal.

"You got a frog unit."

"Dracu!* Because one pervert wasn't enough. I'm going to go open them," I put my bowl in the sink and cautiously approached a crate. I very deliberately decided to open Germany first, so I opened and skimmed his manual.

"Oh, I know just how to open this one." I scampered over to my living room and crouched by the couch. I pulled out a beer and popped it open. I wafted it towards the crate and waited till I heard a pounding from the inside. I ducked as shards of wood went flying over my head and Germany stepped out of the crate. He looked around and seemed to assess the surroundings before noticing Arthur and me.

"Guten tag. I am Deutschland." He stuck out his hand and I took it.

"I'm Maya, nice to meet you."

"And is this your house?"

"Yes, it is."

"Do you live here alone."

"No, I live here with my parents, England, Denmark, Russia, and now you and France."

"Where is everyone else?"

"My dad is on a business trip, and my mom is at a friend's house because Denmark and Russia are cats." He looked confused for a moment, but I explained. "England turned them into cats and my mom is extremely allergic. Oh by the way, this is for you." I handed him his beer and he thanked me.

"Do you want me to put my things somewhere?" he asked.

"I can put those away for you," I said and gathered his stuff. I carried it up and put it in my closet, which was starting to get really crowded with everyone else's stuff. I grabbed my laptop on the way down to help activate France.

"What's that for?" asked Arthur.

"I'm activating Francis. You might want to hide." Germany, England, and the cats all shared a look before hiding in my basement. I set my laptop on a stair and pulled up google.

"I'm so lucky my parents aren't home," I muttered to myself and pulled up a porn site. I pulled up a video resisted the urge to claw my eyes out. I pressed play and hid behind a chair. The box started rocking and I heard a telltale ohonhon. I kept myself as low behind the chair as I could and poised myself to leap. The thumping from the box continued until it splintered and I heard France scuttle over to the stairs. I peeked over the arm of the chair and saw him intently focused on the porn on my laptop. I figured I needed to get out there and reprogram him before he did anything to my computer or furniture, so I slipped out from behind the couch and slowly and quietly approached France from behind. I was almost able to reach him when all of the sudden the scene switched. When the screen was blank for the transition, France noticed my reflection behind him and flipped around. He was much faster than I expected and next thing I knew, I was pinned under France.

"Let me go right now or I will castrate you with a spoon!"

"Ohonhonhon, aren't we feisty," he said.

"Seriously, get off or I will skin you and sell your flesh on the black market as paper."

"Creative."

"I will…" I tried to think of something that would work, but I was at a loss at the moment. Then I remembered something, "I have Germany, Russia, and a protective Denmark in my basement, and I will not hesitate to set them after you."

" I don't believe you."

"And if it turns out that I'm not lying?"

At that, he froze and crawled off of me. I took the opportunity to reprogram him and put my laptop away. I came down and he was fixing his hair in the mirror above my stove. I walked over to the basement door and called down to the other countries.

"It's safe to come out now." I heard rustling then the sound of footsteps. I stepped back to let them open the door and reemerge. They filed out and France examined them.

"Where are Russia and Denmark?" he asked.

"They're the cats."

"What?"

"England turned them into cats. He also gave me these ears."

"What ears? I don't see any ears."

"They're hidden under my morning hair, idiot!" I get moody when I'm tired and freshly molested.

"Oh. Wait, so the cats are actually Denmark and Russia? That's hilarious." He started laughing and the cats glared at him.

"You'll be next if you don't shut up," snapped Arthur.

"No, you are not doing anymore magic anywhere near here," I told him.

"Fine, I guess I'll agree to that."

"Wait," said France, "England is actually not arguing with you? What did you do to him?"

"Well," started Arthur, "Unlike you, Maya actually makes some valid points."

"You just think that she's pretty."

"What? No, that's not it!" stated a flustered England, and I decided to have some fun. I put on my best pouty face.

"So you think I'm ugly?"

"No! I just , it's just that I," he started, growing increasingly more flustered.

"It's okay England, I get it. Calm down."

"Ohonhon, you totally like her," said France before walking back off to my living room. I followed him.

"Do you want me to put my stuff somewhere?"

"I'll take care of it. Can you guys just put the boxes in the basement?" They all nodded and went to pick up the boxes while I gathered France's stuff, which I put with the rest. When I came back down, both of the boxes were gone and the men were lounging on my couch. I sat down next to Arthur on the loveseat and pulled Denmarkcat into my lap. (I knew that he would end up there eventually.)

"So," I started and everyone focused on me, "I think that we should discuss sleeping arrangements."

"I agree, we should figure something out," said Germany.

"I can take my bedroom floor and…" I started, but was cut off by the three men.

"You shouldn't have to take the floor," said Arthur.

"I agree with Britain. He can take the floor with the cats, Germany can sleep on the couch, and I'll share the bed with you."

"If I share a bed with anyone, it's not going to be you, France. I would probably pick Germany because Italy always invades his bed anyway, so he wouldn't get all weird like Britain would, oh don't give me that look," I told Britain, "You know you would get all weird about it, and France would probably try to molest me."

"You're just very molestable."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What? It was a compliment."

"Yep, you definitely get the floor. Actually, no. I don't even want you in my room. You get the couch. I'll take the bed with Germany, England can sleep on the matress, and the cats can pick for themselves. Is everyone cool with that?" Everyone nodded (France pouted a little, but I think that he knew he would lose any argument).

"Maya, are you sure that you want to share the bed?" asked Germany.

"I'm fine with it, but if you're not cool with that, we can figure something else out."

"It's fine. I just wanted to be sure that you were sure."

"It's no big deal, it's not like it's just us, and you'll actually be pretty good protection against any invading Frances. Now, if everyone is happy, I'm going to go get dinner ready. I hopped up from the couch and headed into the kitchen.

*Dracu-Romanian for F***


	5. chapter 5

I sat on the couch with Russiacat in my lap and Denmarkcat curled up against my chest. I rubbed Russiacat's ears and waited for my parents to get home. Russiacat started licking my hand and I remembered something. Something bad. My mom is extremely allergic to cats.

"Crap!" I said and my two country cats looked up at me. England came down the stairs and I called him over.

"Hey, England?"

"Yes, Maya?"

"Do you by any chance have any spells to help with allergies?"

"No, why?" My ears twitched in irritation.

"Because my mom is extremely allergic to cats," I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"Oh, I really didn't think this through."

"No, you didn't." I went to stand up and Russiacat fell off of my lap with an indignant noise, but Denmarkcat used his claws to stay attached to me. I tried to pull him off, but if I were to remove him by force it would tear up my shoulders so I gave in and let him stay. I sank back into the couch and Russiacat hopped back up onto my lap while Denmarkcat nestled closer into my chest.

I scratched Russiacat's ears and tried to ignore Denmarkcat. England sat on the couch next to me and handed me a glass of tea. I thanked him and took a sip. I gagged a bit on the (burnt?) tea and moved to set it down, but the two cats got in my way.

"England, can you help me out a bit here?"

"Of course," he said and took my teacup to the kitchen. He came back and went to remove Denmarkcat from me, but said feline clung to me so he picked up Russiacat instead. He sat next to me on the couch with Russiacat in his lap. I was surprised that he was being so not snarky about my rejection of his tea, but I guess that he realized just as much as I did that he owed me big time.

"I'm sorry about this, Maya, but they really did have it coming."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm going to go call my mom. I headed up to my room and grabbed my cell phone. I dialed in my mom's  
number and sat down on my bed. I listened to the continuous ringing until I head my mom's voice on the other line.

"Hello?"

"Hi, mom."

"Hi, sweetie, what's up?"

"Um, I don't think that you should come to the house today."

"Why, what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, it's just that the house is kinda full of cats."

"What are you talking about?" she sounded confused.

"Denmark and Russia pissed off England, so he might of kinda turned them into cats."

"What?! You're kidding me right?"

"…No…"

"How long have they been like that?"

"For a while, there's a lot of fur."

"Uggh." I could mentally see her pinching the bridge of her nose (now you see where I get it from), "You're right, it would probably be best if I kept out of the house for a bit. I'll call your father and tell him, then I can probably stay at Carmen's for a while."

"Okay."

"How long is this going to last?"

"It's…unpredictable."

"Okay, fine. I'll see you soon, then. Bye."

"Bye." I hung up and set my phone on my desk. My dad was on a business trip, so it was just going to be just the countries and me for a little while. I headed downstairs to let them know and start on dinner. I pulled out some pans and ingredients and Denmarkcat was instantly up on the counter. I glared at him in hope that he would recognize it as an indication of how annoying he could be, but he just stared back at me. Usually I would have smacked him or something, but he was a cat and it would be pretty cruel to shove a cat off of the counter (even if it was Mattias). I turned on the stove, but then I realized exactly what I was doing. I was making dinner for cats. Why the hell was I making dinner for cats? Sure they were usually human, but they did bring it on themselves. I put away the ingredients and turned off the stove while Denmarkcat looked at me confusedly.

"I'm not making dinner for two cats," I told Denmarkcat and he glared at me (at least I think he did, it's hard to tell with cats). I went to put my shoes on and checked the mirror, remembering that I had cat ears. I silently cursed Arthur and grabbed a hat.

"Arthur, get you shoes, we're going to the pet store!"

"What was that, love?" he asked, coming down the stairs.

"We need to go get cat food, and I am not going alone. Now put on your shoes." I grabbed my purse and made sure my house key was in it.

"Do you think that we should bring them with us?" Arthur asked, gesturing to Denmarkcat and Russiacat.

"Yeah we probably should, there is no way that I'm leaving them alone." I stepped out of the door and Arthur and the two cats followed me. I locked the door and picked up Russiacat while Denmarkcat pawed at my ankles. I eventually gave in and handed Russiacat to Arthur and picked up Denmarkcat.

"Don't let this get to your head," I told him, "I only picked you up because you annoy me." I tucked Denmarkcat under my arm and England and I started walking. It was much quieter walking with England than Denmark, and I had to admit, I kind of missed Mattias's jokes. I had started to let my mind wander about my general situation, when Arthur's voice broke the silence.

"Maya?"

"What, Arthur?"

"Why were you so insistent that I come with you? Your neighborhood seems quite safe." I noticed Russiacat's ears perk when he asked. It was obvious that he wanted to know too.

"It's a long story. I'd rather not talk about it." I felt Denmarkcat nestle closer to me and I stroked his ears. England left it at that and we walked in an awkward silence until we ran into again.

"Maya, how funny. We keep running into each other."

"Yeah, so funny," I said, while trying to hide my exasperation and desperately hoped my hat wouldn't get blown off by a sudden gust of wind or something.

"Who's this?" he asked, gesturing to Arthur.

"Another family friend."

"What happened to the other one?"

"He's at my house," I responded and I felt Denmarkcat cat laughing again.

"Are these your cats?"

"Kind of," I answered and was met with a confused look.

"Well," he said, "I'd better get going. Bye." He jogged off and the awkward silence grew.

"Who was that?" asked Arthur.

"That's my gym teacher. He's already met Mattias." Arthur seemed to completely understand and we continued the walk to the local pet store. We entered the store and were met with an overly friendly employee.

"Hello, how can I help you?" she chirped. Her overly cheery disposition was not helping my already precarious mood, so I decided to let Arthur talk that time.

"Hello, we simply need some cat food," he said.

"Oh, are these your cats?" she asked and rumpled Russiacat's ears.

"Yes, they are."

"Oh, they're so cute." I was starting to worry a little bit because I was all too aware of the ears hidden beneath my hat and I was also a little freaked out by having run into my gym teacher again(at least Arthur had been the human one). I just wanted to get home and relax and therefore wanted to get home as soon as possible. I usually wasn't such a downer, but I was stressed, and for the safety of the overly perky cashier, figured it was best to keep a distance.

"Take this," I said and thrust Denmarkcat toward Arthur. He took him and I headed off to find the cat food while Arthur chatted with the girl. I decided to stock up on a large amount of the cheap stuff because I had no idea how long I would even have cats for. I filled a bag with as many cans as could fit in it and brought it up to the counter. I handed the girl my debit card and she rung us up while scratching Russiacat's ears. Arthur and I thanked her and left. I carried the food and Arthur carried the cats.

"Americans are so loud," stated Arthur and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I'm not going to disagree with you on that." I agreed and we made the way home in a slightly less awkward silence and I put the food away in the fridge while Arthur filled two bowls for Mattias and Ivan. It was starting to get late and I was getting hungry, so while the cats ate, I made some soup for myself. Apparently Arthur had learned from earlier because he didn't even offer to help. I finished my soup, and heard the doorbell ring. I put my bowl in the sink and Arthur opened the door.

I stepped out into the front room and was met with another box.

"Lovely," I sighed, "That's just what I need."

"Who is it?" asked Arthur.

"I'll check in the morning," I said and headed upstairs to go to sleep.

~Magical Time Jump~

I woke up with two cats on my face and heard Britain from downstairs.

"It's prepackaged," he said. Apparently the cats had refused to eat the food England had tried to give them.

"I can't say I blame you two for being cautious, but this time it's safe. Trust me, I bought it myself." I picked up Russiacat and headed downstairs. When I set the cats down, they cautiously started nibbling at the food and I got myself a bowl of cereal. England was at the table reading a newspaper.

"Another package came this morning."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Did you see who it was?"

"One is Germany and," he started, but I cut him off.

"Oh, that shouldn't be that bad."

"No, but you didn't let me finish. The other one is France."

"What?" I choked on my cereal.

"You got a frog unit."

"Dracu!* Because one pervert wasn't enough. I'm going to go open them," I put my bowl in the sink and cautiously approached a crate. I very deliberately decided to open Germany first, so I opened and skimmed his manual.

"Oh, I know just how to open this one." I scampered over to my living room and crouched by the couch. I pulled out a beer and popped it open. I wafted it towards the crate and waited till I heard a pounding from the inside. I ducked as shards of wood went flying over my head and Germany stepped out of the crate. He looked around and seemed to assess the surroundings before noticing Arthur and me.

"Guten tag. I am Deutschland." He stuck out his hand and I took it.

"I'm Maya, nice to meet you."

"And is this your house?"

"Yes, it is."

"Do you live here alone."

"No, I live here with my parents, England, Denmark, Russia, and now you and France."

"Where is everyone else?"

"My dad is on a business trip, and my mom is at a friend's house because Denmark and Russia are cats." He looked confused for a moment, but I explained. "England turned them into cats and my mom is extremely allergic. Oh by the way, this is for you." I handed him his beer and he thanked me.

"Do you want me to put my things somewhere?" he asked.

"I can put those away for you," I said and gathered his stuff. I carried it up and put it in my closet, which was starting to get really crowded, with everyone else's stuff. I grabbed my laptop on the way down to help activate France.

"What's that for?" asked Arthur.

"I'm activating Francis. You might want to hide." Germany, England, and the cats all shared a look before hiding in my basement. I set my laptop on a stair and pulled up google.

"I'm so lucky my parents aren't home," I muttered to myself and pulled up a porn site. I pulled up a video resisted the urge to claw my eyes out. I pressed play and hid behind a chair. The box started rocking and I heard a telltale ohonhon. I kept myself as low behind the chair as I could and poised myself to leap. The thumping from the box continued until it splintered and I heard France scuttle over to the stairs. I peeked over the arm of the chair and saw him intently focused on the porn on my laptop. I figured I needed to get out there and reprogram him before he did anything to my computer or furniture, so I slipped out from behind the couch and slowly and quietly approached France from behind. I was almost able to reach him when all of the sudden the scene switched. When the screen was blank for the transition, France noticed my reflection behind him and flipped around. He was much faster than I expected and next thing I knew, I was pinned under France.

"Let me go right now or I will castrate you with a spoon!"

"Ohonhonhon, aren't we feisty," he said.

"Seriously, get off or I will skin you and sell your flesh on the black market as paper."

"Creative."

"I will…" I tried to think of something that would work, but I was at a loss at the moment. Then I remembered something, "I have Germany, Russia, and a protective Denmark in my basement, and I will not hesitate to set them after you."

" I don't believe you."

"And if it turns out that I'm not lying?"

At that, he froze and crawled off of me. I took the opportunity to reprogram him and put my laptop away. I came down and he was fixing his hair in the mirror above my stove. I walked over to the basement door and called down to the other countries.

"It's safe to come out now." I heard rustling then the sound of footsteps. I stepped back to let them open the door and reemerge. They filed out and France examined them.

"Where are Russia and Denmark?" he asked.

"They're the cats."

"What?"

"England turned them into cats. He also gave me these ears."

"What ears? I don't see any ears."

"They're hidden under my morning hair, idiot!" I get moody when I'm tired and freshly molested.

"Oh. Wait, so the cats are actually Denmark and Russia? That's hilarious." He started laughing and the cats glared at him.

"You'll be next if you don't shut up," snapped Arthur.

"No, you are not doing anymore magic anywhere near here," I told him.

"Fine, I guess I'll agree to that."

"Wait," said France, "England is actually not arguing with you? What did you do to him?"

"Well," started Arthur, "Unlike you, Maya actually makes some valid points."

"You just think that she's pretty."

"What? No, that's not it!" stated a flustered England, and I decided to have some fun. I put on my best pouty face.

"So you think I'm ugly?"

"No! I just , it's just that I," he started, growing increasingly more flustered.

"It's okay England, I get it. Calm down."

"Ohonhon, you totally like her," said France before walking back off to my living room. I followed him.

"Do you want me to put my stuff somewhere?"

"I'll take care of it. Can you guys just put the boxes in the basement?" They all nodded and went to pick up the boxes while I gathered France's stuff, which I put with the rest. When I came back down, both of the boxes were gone and the men were lounging on my couch. I sat down next to Arthur on the loveseat and pulled Denmarkcat into my lap. (I knew that he would end up there eventually.)

"So," I started and everyone focused on me, "I think that we should discuss sleeping arrangements."

"I agree, we should figure something out," said Germany.

"I can take my bedroom floor and…" I started, but was cut off by the three men.

"You shouldn't have to take the floor," said Arthur.

"I agree with Britain. He can take the floor with the cats, Germany can sleep on the couch, and I'll share the bed with you."

"If I share a bed with anyone, it's not going to be you, France. I would probably pick Germany because Italy always invades his bed anyway, so he wouldn't get all weird like Britain would, oh don't give me that look," I told Britain, "You know you would get all weird about it, and France would try to molest me."

"You're just very molestable."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What? It was a compliment."

"Yep, you definitely get the floor. Actually, no. I don't even want you in my room. You get the couch. I'll take the bed with Germany, England can sleep on the matress, and the cats can pick for themselves. Is everyone cool with that?" Everyone nodded (France pouted a little, but I think that he knew he would lose any argument).

"Maya, are you sure that you want to share the bed?" asked Germany.

"I'm fine with it, but if you're not cool with that, we can figure something else out."

"It's fine. I just wanted to be sure that you were sure."

"It's no big deal, it's not like it's just us, and you'll actually be pretty good protection against any invading Frances. Now, if everyone is happy, I'm going to go get dinner ready. I hopped up from the couch and headed into the kitchen.

*Dracu-Romanian for F***


End file.
